Today I call these roles hidden deals. There is the man who nods along in the room with his boss while something boils in his chest, because he doesn’t want to be seen as difficult. There is the woman who once again builds her evening around her partner’s mood, because she only feels safe as long as he needs her. There is the manager who allows themselves not a single mistake and lies awake at night with a clenched jaw. And there are the people who hide their desire and their wildness so well that they hardly know any more what it feels like. Each of these deals costs something real and gives you only borrowed security in return.
What helped me out were my emotions, as soon as I began to read them. The anger that stays in your belly after a yes you meant as a no shows you the boundary you didn’t hold. The restlessness at three in the morning leads you to the thought that is taking you off course. Even the pain after a break-up points in the direction your path continues. Emotions are complex. Love is easy, because it is the state in which you can accept what is there, yourself included.
Along the way I realised how much of what we hold on to is a placeholder. The person you keep going back to although they aren’t good for you, the job you bend yourself out of shape for, the house, the car or the promotion you have been working towards for years: they all carry a feeling for you that you don’t yet give yourself. Once you recognise this, your fingers loosen. You stop clinging and start choosing.
Part of my path leads to the Kogi in Colombia. When we first met in 2022, we immediately felt a sense of belonging. In 2023 and 2024 I hosted two retreats with them, which is rare, because they let very few people into their world. The Kogi carry an ancient wisdom that they want to bring into the world. Much of it describes, in other words, what I do at TAURA. We agree that in inner work modern words do not contradict the old traditions and that the balance between masculine and feminine strength is the foundation for inner harmony, for a healthy family and therefore for a healthy world.
For me the Kogi are a rootedness in the heart and soul of this planet. They show me that what is laid down within us works through us across centuries, no matter how many roles we layer on top of it. A Kogi elder initiated me into shamanic work and I stand under his spiritual protection. One day I would like to bring this connection into TAURA as well and found a charitable project for the Kogi.
TAURA grew out of this path. Before that, for almost two years, I ran my own studio for holistic wellbeing, where coaching, yoga and other offerings came together under one roof. From all this work a method has grown that takes you in five steps from feeling to clear action: recognise the emotion, think better, integrate, find your intention and only then express it. This is how you decide from within in the moments that count, in love as at work. You can only come across as clearly as you stand on the inside.
Love is easy.
Emotions are complex.
Olga Kwalwasser, founder of TAURA
